This might make some of you uncomfy...sorry not sorry.
We live in a culture obsessed with self. Everywhere we turn, we’re told to love yourself first. At first glance, it sounds empowering, even healthy. But when this message is elevated above all else, it can lead us down a dangerous road, one that promotes selfishness instead of real love.
We were never created to begin with ourselves.
In Matthew 22:37–39, Jesus gives us the greatest commandment:
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’
This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”
Notice the order:
1. Love God.
2. Love others.
3. Love yourself (as a reference point, not a priority).
That little phrase “as yourself” has been twisted in today’s world. It’s often interpreted to mean that we need to focus on ourselves first before we can love anyone else. But Jesus didn’t say, “Love yourself first, then love others.” He assumed we already care for ourselves...how we eat, sleep, protect, and provide for our own well-being, and said to love others with that same natural instinct.
But now? We live in a world where boundaries are used to excuse cutting people off without grace. "Self-care" has become a full-time excuse for avoiding responsibility. Commitment is avoided unless it perfectly aligns with personal comfort. Truth is relative, as long as you’re “being true to yourself.”
Somewhere along the way, love became about "me."
It doesn’t mean you neglect yourself. You still matter. Rest matters. Health matters. But self-love was never supposed to be the main thing.
Real love is sacrificial. It isn’t always comfortable. It doesn’t always say yes. It doesn’t center around how I feel today or what I need to protect my energy. Real love puts God first and filters everything else through that lens.
Here’s the truth:
When we love God first, He transforms the way we see ourselves and others. When we understand His love for us, we don’t have to obsess over loving ourselves. We are secure, known, and valued. From that place, we can then turn outward and love others with the grace, compassion, and patience we’ve received from Him.
So maybe the real question isn’t:
How can I love myself more?
Maybe it’s:
Have I truly experienced the love of God and am I letting that love overflow to others?
Because loving God first doesn’t erase your identity. It anchors it. Loving others doesn’t make you less. It reveals who you really are. And loving yourself? That becomes natural...not narcissistic...when it flows from knowing whose you are. You were made in the image of God. That means your worth isn’t something you have to chase, it’s already been spoken over you. So stop striving to love yourself first. Start by loving God with everything you are. Let Him fill you up, so you can pour out love to a world desperately in need of something deeper than self-adoration.
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